Before He Cheats
by DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympians
Summary: Riza goes to find the Colonel, but what does she find instead?


**A/N: Hello people! I was listening to the radio, and I thought: what would happen if Roy Mustang cheated on Riza? Well, the car gets it. Somewhat Royai, I hope yallz enjoy!**

Riza Hawkeye was walking home from work, and was looking for Colonel Mustang. Yeah, she couldn't find him. This was one of those times when she was glad that she had sewn a tracking device into his uniform. Apparently, the Colonel was in town. Riza followed the GPS instructionsa popular bar.

**Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp,**

**And she's probably getting frisky...**

Riza was about to go look for her superior, when she saw him dancing with a random girl with beach-blonde hair and a tramp stamp. And her hand was going up his shirt.

**Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink**

**'Cause she can't shoot whiskey...**

Later, Roy went to the bar with the girl, and came back with a tropical-looking drink complete with swirly straw and fruit.

**Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick,**

**showing her how to shoot a combo...**

Then, Roy walked to a pool table, and the girl picked up a cue stick, and looked at Roy with a hopeful expression. He smirked, and showed her how to hold it, and was getting really close.

**And he don't know...**

**That I dug my key into the side of his**

**pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,**

**carved my name into his leather seats...**

**I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,**

**slashed a hole in all 4 tires...**

**Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.**

Riza stormed to the parking lot, and found the Colonel's car. In a fit of anger, she used her own car keys to tear up the paint on his car, and carved her name onto the driver's seat, clearly, but small, so that it would be hard to read.

She rummaged through the Colonel's truck, until she found a crowbar, and smashed the front headlights. Then she took her key, and slashed holes in all the tires, letting the air leak out.

**Right now, she's probably up singing some**

**white-trash version of Shania karaoke..**

Riza went back to the bar, and saw that Roy and the girl were singing off-key to a song, that was probably supposed to sound way better.

**Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"**

**and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,**

When Riza heard those two words, she knew that the Colonel was going to try something. She knew him that well.

**Right now, he's probably dabbing on**

**3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo...**

**And he don't know...**

The Colonel excused himself to the bathroom for a second, and came out smelling strongly of bad cologne, and Riza got mad all over again. She walked back to the Colonel's partially destroyed car.

**That I dug my key into the side of his**

**pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,**

**carved my name into his leather seats,**

**I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,**

**slashed a hole in all 4 tires...**

**Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.**

She carved designs into the side of the car, and drew a picture of guns. Then carved her name into the passenger seat, slightly larger this time.

She took hold of the crowbar, and smashed the back headlight, and made the holes in the tires even larger.

**I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl,**

**'cause the next time that he cheats...**

**Oh, you know it won't be on me!**

**No...not on me**

**'Cause I dug my key into the side of his**

**pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,**

**carved my name into his leather seats...**

**I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,**

**slashed a hole in all 4 tires...**

**Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.**

**Oh.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...**

**Ohh... before he cheats…**

Riza was angry and upset, so she completely scratched the paint off the car, caved her name all over the seats, and smashed the remainder of the headlights, and the windshield, and carved the tires into shreds of rubber.

She dried her few tears, and walked away from the bar, crunching the broken glass beneath her boots.

~Later~

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY CAR!"

**A/N: hope you guys enjoyed. Please review!**


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